Her Reasons
by gunsmithx
Summary: A Sakura introspective series. NaruSaku, SakuSasu
1. Default Chapter

Why is this so hard?

All I ever wanted was to be with Sasuke, and become a better Konichi.

When did it all go wrong? I always thought it was when Naruto was put on our team, I mean I never really thought much of him, he was just some annoying boy, he had a crush on me and he wasn't very skilled, and I thought that right till our first big mission, till he came up with the plan the freed Kakashi-sensei, That was the first time I noticed him

The next time wasn't till the Chunin exams, when Sasuke wanted to back down, Naruto charged forward, proving he would never give up no matter what, even in the face of impossible odds. But all I could really worry about was Sasuke, after all I love him, and he needed me, at least that's what I told myself.

He was the one who helped me beat Ino, not Sasuke but I don't' think I really saw it that way, and the way he won against Kiba... every day Naruto kept showing how much he was improving, growing stronger and moving away from the Dobe we knew.

I didn't see much of him or Sasuke in following month, I trained, tried to get stronger, hoping I would catch up to them, but then I saw Naruto's fight with Neji, every time I think I known his limits he surprises me, and goes beyond what anyone expected.

The next time I noticed him? It was when Sasuke told me that he had risked his life, shown power we never would have guessed he possessed, to save me, not Sasuke, not the village, though I'm sure he was fighting for them as well, but me. I didn't know what to think, he was doing what I always wanted Sasuke would in a way I don't think he could and yet I never gave him anything in return, I fought with him, turned him down, gave him every reason to go away and yet he keeps coming back to me, what kind of person does that? What kind of strength does that take?

And so here I am, having realized for the first time how much Naruto cares, finally realizing that he just may be the person that understands me, understand how much I hurt from Sasuke and how I deal with it, and yet... he's doing this for me, yes I know Sasuke is his friend, maybe best friend and the only one who can bring him back. They will fight, with nothing to hold them back, but no matter how strong Sasuke thinks he is, Naruto will win, he wants it more, because Sasuke is his friend, because he's on a mission for his village, because he made a promise, because of me... and now the tears come harder, faster, I don't' deserve his love, I don't even know if I can return it but I don't know if I could stand to lose it, I still love Sasuke, it's hard to let go of something I've had for so long even if more and more I know he will never see me as more then a friend, a teammate, as family but never as a wife, a lover, precious yes, cherished yes but never how I want or needed. All I ever wanted was to be loved by Sasuke but now more and more, I want to continue to be cherished by Naruto, to know that I'm still the center of his universe.

I guess that makes me selfish... but I don't care, they both need to come back, so I can figure this out, so I can learn who I really love, who really loves me.... Sigh I know the answer so why do I fight so hard? Is it because I don't want to think the years I spent were wasted, because I don't want to acknowledge I truly hurt the one person who loves me above all others? I don't know and all I can do is sit here and cry until they come back to me. They need to come back to me, I can't live without either of them.  
My precious people.  
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wow, that didn't go quite how I thought it would... I love Naruto/Sakura, I think the manga is pushing to puting them together and their doesn't seem to be many Fanfics that like that couple so this is my addition to the ranks, hope you guys enjoyed it,  
background music for the writing was SR-71: My world


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: none of this belongs to me. there I said it.

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I always thought that maybe, just maybe, it might get a bit easier, but as always, I was wrong. I remember a time, when he not being around was a blessing; when it was all I looked forward to, so I could be alone with Sasuke. Somewhere along the way that changed, somewhere I began to notice him, to see him as who he is, not as who I thought he was. My heart nearly broke in the hospital, seeing him all hurt, partly because of me, and all he would do was to say that he would still keep his promise. I think he would go get Sasuke anyway, but I know I play a role in that as well.

These last few months have been eye openers, I'm learning things I never thought I would, yet not all of it has been good. I know about Itachi now and I know that he is the reason why Sasuke left, and why Naruto left as well. Amazing how one man could have sown such chaos and not even been around for it.

There's something else that's been an eye opener. Naruto not being around has shown me a lot about myself. I never realized how much I simply counted on his inane jokes and declarations till they weren't there; how much of a bright spot he played in my life till he was gone from it. Even before he left, I knew that I had begun to care for him in ways I never thought I could. Yet his leaving, his not being around prevented me from seeing where it would go, and has been almost heartbreaking. I sit around and day-dream sometimes about what he's doing, what he's learning. I wonder what he'll look like, I wonder if he'll still find me cute and still call me Sakura-chan.

As for Sasuke… I still want him back. I'll still get him back with Naruto, he is one of my precious people but it's not like it used to be. I'm not the same girl and he's far and away from being the same boy he was, if he was ever who I thought he was. However, he is still my comrade and I'll never give up till we get him back so we can be a team again.

And that still has me coming back to Naruto… just what does he mean to me, what do I even mean to him? My chest gets tight, when I think that he might have forgotten me for even a second; that he might have found someone else to shower his affection on. On the other hand, when he does come back I'm not sure I'm ready for anything. My heart was shattered and a part of me is afraid of that happening again even though I know he would never hurt me if he could help it. But soon he'll be back and soon I'll have a chance to find out what this all means. Soon we'll have a chance to get back the one who is lost, and then with my precious people around me again I'll be able to move forward. It may still be a hard road to follow but sometimes I remember there's a light at the end… even if he is blond.

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As you can tell this takes place just before Naruto part 2 starts up, now i'm going to rewirte his reasons and maybe start the 3 part of this, and this time in a much shorter period of time.


End file.
